To the Mothers of girls who move away…….

You knew this day would come. You knew you would have to let her go.

It came much sooner than expected as just yesterday she was the little girl sitting in your lap snuggling you and then she was gone and she took your heart with her.

Daily you do your best not to call, text or jump in your car just to be near as she is an adult and you know you need to let her fly.

Holidays come and go without her there but you tell yourself that is ok, she has her own life, her own family but deep down inside you cry yourself to sleep. It’s just not the same.

Some days you wish she had never made that decision to fly but most days you are glad she did as she has grown into an amazing young woman who would not have had the chance had you clipped her wings.

So as you sit there trying to be strong just know it is ok to miss her, want her home, need to hear her voice daily and laugh with her because if you did not feel this way it simply means you are not proud of the girl you raised into a woman.

I miss you every single day Monique. As I wrote this with tears streaming down my face I realized again just how much you amaze me.

Christmas is not the same

As I sit here looking at my tree I realize how much I miss your voice, laugh, smile and phone calls.

I miss seeing all the fun Christmas posts of decorations, cooking and of your family. I can’t imagine how hard this Christmas will be for your family and friends, all I can do is be thankful that I have nothing but happy memories with you. Thank you God for bringing this amazing woman into mine and my daughter’s life. ❤

So as I spend Christmas with my family I will be thankful that I have them and I will have my dear Bertha and her family in my heart.

The Kayak

I sit here saddened because I miss you so much. I can’t help but think about how excited you were to come stay with me and have a girls weekend.

Today your laugh echoes through this place as I see you sitting on the patio with a glass of wine. Your looking at the ducks, quacking and laughing. Not a worry in the world, just enjoying girl time.

I saw a couple on a kayak in front of the patio and they were laughing and enjoying their time together. You were also enjoying your time with your family, kayaking, laughing and loving life. I miss your laugh and your love for life, our friendship…. bottom line, I miss you .

Time together….

As I sit on the patio watching boats go by I vision the lives these people have had. All retired and retreating to their “Winter” homes.

What was life like before they had a beautiful house on the lake and a boat? Did they ever live paycheck to paycheck or worry about feeding their Kids? Do they even have kids. Did they work 2 jobs while trying to get in soccer games and cheer practices?

There is so much beauty out here and so many untold stories. Will I get to know these people one day and hear their stories? Was all the work and time missed worth what they now have?

One boat summed it up tonight. It’s name “Time Together”. As they sipped wine and cruised by I couldn’t help but smile.  Yes it was worth it as now they reap the reward of spending their final years together with no worries or interruptions. Just time with one another.

 

One more wake up…..

When my kids were younger they didn’t really have concept of time.  Christmas, Halloween, Easter, anytime they would always ask “Is it time yet?”  EVERY DAY! I had to come up with a way they could understand easily and it hit me. “Wake ups” I started telling them that there were so many more wake ups until Santa would come and they grasped onto it quickly. It made the countdown for them easier to understand stand.

EVERY time they would wake they would tell me with big, bright, happy eyes “Only 2 more wake ups Mommy!”.  It was so great seeing the looks in their eyes.

Last night while laying in bed with Paul, he kissed the top of my head and said, “2 more wake ups.”

 

As I sit here listening to the wind and watching my dog sleep I question myself. “Do I really want to do this?” “Will this change the dynamic of us?” “Am I brave enough for this?”

I guess time will tell.

Merriam-Webster says………………..

That a Super Hero is a fictional character who has amazing powers (such as the ability to fly)

I think before this trip I would have agreed to that, but now I say “PISH POSH”. That definition needs to be re-written.

I have been living with a Super Hero these last few days. She is a  woman who goes to her daily appointments at the hospital with a smile on her face, talking with everyone she comes across, joking with them  and encouraging them all,
including the staff.

Mind you while she is getting her daily shot that lasts for 5 minutes and is extremely painful, she is reassuring the nurse that it’s ok,”It’s not that bad, don’t worry about me” while the whole time she is breathing deeply and not showing that
she really is in pain.

A woman who got a huge catheter put in her neck last night for the harvest that will start tomorrow morning and was worried about going to dinner and grossing people out so we went home so she could put on a scarf.

A woman that asks me constantly “Are you OK”?, “Do you need anything”?
“You don’t have to go with me it’s going to be a long day, I’m fine”.
She has never harped on her condition or what is being done to her,
all she has done is worried about those around her and those back home.

In my eyes a “Super Hero” is this selfless woman who shows concern for other people and not herself. I believe that definition needs to be re-written to read
“An actual person who puts others before them, no matter what the situation”
and that HER picture should be next to it.

YOU my sister are my Super Hero, My Person, The Peanut butter to my Jelly

My Shoulder Hurts

 

What would my first response be to anyone who told me that? “Suck it up you wimp, mine has hurt for years”.

Yea, I’m kinda a bitch at times, not good with people who make excuses. If I can do it, anyone can so don’t try to find sympathy with me, but when it comes to one of my best friends, my sista from anotha mista, I melt, I am soft.

You need to understand the bond first to understand why she makes me show my human side. Not many can do this, and to be honest sometimes it pisses me off. I am cold, not majorly emotional and I won’t cry in front of many. “You are such a strong person Barbara, how you do it I just don’t know”. Damn right I am, I am a rock and nothing or no one will change that, or so I thought.

In 1998 I got a job working in radio. I was pretty excited about the position. My dream job, doing what I was trained to do. It was really hard being the new kid on the block so I kept to myself for the most part and just did my job. In walks this beautiful, well dressed and perky girl who everyone loved. “UGH” really, nobody is that happy, NOBODY!  This girl was a ray of sunshine no matter what kind of day you had. Always laughing, smiling and will do whatever it took for you to respond to her. Don’t even try to walk past her without saying hello, she won’t have it. Trust me I did that when I first started there, and that is where this friendship started.

Lets fast forward to October 2013. Susan and I have a date for dinner. I am so excited to see her, we have always kept in touch and made it a point to meet for lunch at least once a month. She walks in and I go to hug her and she flinched a little and tells me her shoulder hurts. I was dealing with rotator cuff issues in my shoulder so I felt for her. We chatted about it and she had an appointment with her doctor the following week. It was a great evening and I hated to let her go and see it end, but alas we do have families of our own and I must share her. BOO!

A few weeks later the word is not what anyone was expecting. “MULTIPLE MYELOMA” Blood cancer. What, are they sure? I don’t think that is right I mean you have beat so much, how can you have this? It’s rotator cuff issues, not CANCER!  I didn’t believe it and refused to see the truth and my Susan always kept us in the dark about EVERYTHING. We call her “Polly Anna”, she always has those rose-colored classes on, so we really never knew exactly what was going on with her. So we continue out monthly meeting, chat on Facebook and send emails and text messages back and forth. Everything is fine with her, nothing to report. “I am starting radiation treatments, but I am fine, it’s really nothing”…………

So 2 months ago we are at lunch with our other “Sister” Kathy who is also along for the ride and she tells us we need to spend as much time together as we can before she leaves for her treatment. UHHHH………………WHAT TREATEMENT? Again, she never let us see her pain and suffering so how were we to know, she was more interested in what was going on in our lives. She finally opened up and explained everything that was going on with her. We were floored!

“Whatever you need you let me know, I am there for you PERIOD! No more hiding what’s going on, it’s time for YOU to lean on us.”  Would she do it, probably not, but I had to make sure she truly knew that my words were not just words but gospel. I would drop everything for her. She is my life!

So last month at a lunch she asked me if I would help her parents with being her caretaker while she was at the Mayo Clinic  for the next few months. Damn Skippy I will, what do you need, just say the word I am there! So begins the journey and the reason for this blog. I am human, yes I said it, I have emotions that are going to be put to the test and I don’t like that. I will laugh with her through out and crying, that is not an option.

I will leave in a few days to be with her for a week. Sitting by her side in the hospital while they start the “Harvest” of her stem cells. Will Polly Anna show up, yea she will, will I buy what’s coming out of her mouth, NOPE. Will we laugh together, we will, will we cry together………sigh try as I want to say no, we probably will. In the long run as I stand by her side I will be constantly reminded of just how much I love this woman and how honored I am that I am one of the few in her close circle that have been asked to walk beside her as she prepares for this journey.

SHE really is the strong one.